In the beginning....Part 1

I believe our journey that brought us to this point began Sept. 5, 2001. We were expecting our 4th child and were 3 months along when my wife had a miscarriage. We were heartbroken but knew that God was in control. After this tragedy, my wife still wanted to have another child but I locked up my heart and refused to even think about it for fear of being hurt again. I was also fearful for my Sandy's health should she have a troubled pregnancy. During this time, Sandy would bring up adopting a child from another country periodically and I was always unwilling to even consider this even though it is something that both she and Hannah wanted so badly. I just somewhat made myself numb to the thought of having another child in the family.

Fast forward now from the tragedy we experienced in 2001, to January 2008. We were presented with an opportunity to bring a 1 yr. old girl into our house with the expectation and the understanding that we would be given the opportunity to adopt her later in the year. This girl was quickly acclimated to our family and we had a terrific time with her. She was abruptly taken from our house in early August with only a few hours notice by some of her family and we have not seen her since that time. This left our family devastated and I once again made myself numb to the thought of adoption.

This numbness was not so deep this time, though, that it could not be penetrated. Sandy began bringing up international adoption once again but I just couldn't wrap my mind around the concept but I vowed to pray about it.

During the Fall of 2008 there was several times when I felt burdened for the orphans around the world and God began softening my heart. On at least a couple of occasions when I was trying to reason why it didn't make sense either from a financial standpoint or from a practical standpoint, etc., God reminded me of some lyrics we sing from time to time in our worship. They are written by Diane Thiel and the song is title "If you say go"

If you say go, we will go
If you say wait, we will wait
If you say step out on the water
And they say it can't be done
We'll fix our eyes on You and we will come.

Your ways are higher than our ways
And plans that You have laid are good and true
If you call us to the fire
You will not withdraw Your hand
We'll gaze into the flames and look for you.

The encouragement received by God through lyrics like these began to melt my heart. God was working, preparing me for what He had in store. Looking back, I have 2 regrets. First of all, that I didn't act on His promptings sooner, because if I had, we would be that much closer to having our new little girl. Secondly, I regret not sharing all that was going on in my heart with Sandy. I held back because I was so scared to step out on faith. Ultimately what made the difference in overcoming the fear was when I realized I was more afraid of missing what God intended for my family than I was afraid of actually all that is involved in an adoption.